Top Highlights

• Home James, a drunk-driving service that sends someone over to where your car is located, with a scooter that folds up into your trunk. They drive you home, take their scooter out, and then hightail it back to headquarters. It’s not cheap, but it’s definitely a great way of avoiding Jack in the Box. They charge you extra to stop for fast food.
• “I don’t think that mâitre d’ likes us.” “No one likes us, Sarah, we’re American. Everyone hates us.”
• “If you had to have sex with the mâitre d’ for two hours missionary style, or you had to go down on Star Jones for half an hour, who would you choose?” “The mâitre d’.”
• I am very sympathetic to why foreigners think that Americans are loud and obnoxious. Many of us, including myself, are.
• “We have more foreigners in our country than anyone, and we don’t treat them like that. I would never be mean to someone who was visiting America.” “Yeah, we let everyone in our country. I mean, we complain about the people who can’t drive, but that’s about as bad as it gets.” “And the people who own Seven Elevens,” I added. “But aside from that, I...