Top Highlights

• The constant struggle to feel accepted and worthy is unrelenting. We put so much of our time and energy into making sure that we meet everyone’s expectations and into caring about what other people think of us, that we are often left feeling angry, resentful and fearful. Sometimes we turn these emotions inward and convince ourselves that we are bad...
• Shame and self-esteem are very different issues. We feel shame. We think self-esteem. Our self-esteem is based on how we see ourselves—our strengths and limitations—over time. It is how and what we think of ourselves. Shame is an emotion. It is how we feel when we have certain experiences. When we are in shame, we don’t see the big picture; we don’...
• I also learned that most of us, if not all, have built significant parts of our lives around shame.
• Guilt and shame are both emotions of self-evaluation; however, that is where the similarities end. The majority of shame researchers agree that the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the differences between “I am bad” (shame) and “I did something bad” (guilt).
• If a teacher announces a child’s failing grade in front of the class and calls him “stupid,” the child is likely to experience shame or humiliation. If the child believes the teacher’s announcement and name-calling is unfair and undeserved, the child will most likely feel humiliated rather than ashamed. If, on the other hand, the child buys into th...