Top Highlights

• I have long known that it is part of God’s plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth, and Mary Ellen was proof that even in the Appalachian woods I would not be spared.
• loony hillbillies destabilized by gross quantities of impure corn liquor and generations of profoundly unbiblical sex;
• All the books tell you that if the grizzly comes for you, on no account should you run. This is the sort of advice you get from someone who is sitting at a keyboard when he gives it.
• What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die, of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. I would blow my sphincter out my backside like one of those unrolling paper streamers you get at children’s parties—I daresay it would even give a merry toot—and bleed to a messy death in my sleeping bag.
• My last words to him were, “So, how are you with bears?” “Hey, they haven’t got me yet!” That’s the spirit, I thought. Good old Katz.