Top Highlights

• The essence of the breakthrough strategy is indirect action. It requires you to do the opposite of what you naturally feel like doing in difficult situations.
• When the other side stonewalls or attacks, you may feel like responding in kind. Confronted with hostility, you may argue. Confronted with unreasonable positions, you may reject. Confronted with intransigence, you may push. Confronted with aggression, you may escalate. But this just leaves you frustrated, playing the other side’s game by their rule...
• To create the right climate for joint problem-solving, you need to defuse their negative emotions. To do this, you need to do the opposite of what they expect. They expect you to behave like an adversary. Instead, you should take their side by listening to them, acknowledging their points and their feelings, agreeing with them, and showing them res...
• Accept whatever they say and reframe it as an attempt to deal with the problem. For example, take their position and probe behind it: “Tell me more. Help me understand why you want that.” Act as if they were your partners genuinely interested in solving the…
• agreement: interests, options for satisfying those interests, standards for resolving differences fairly, alternatives to negotiation, and proposals for agreement.