A product manager should be a multiplier of the engineering resources. To quote Liz Wiseman: Multipliers are the leaders who use their intelligence to amplify the smarts and capabilities of the people around them.

The only way you can break an existing parent-child relationship is by start treating each other like an adult.

the PM refuses to solve the problem for the engineer, and acts more as a sounding board to help them get to the solution.

Recognising their strengths and preference rather than assuming will help you multiply their impact.

As a PM, it’s your job to find a solution that is desirable by the users, viable for the business, and feasible to build with the resources and constraints you have. Engineering input on what’s feasible to build is invaluable and it’s important to get it early.

give them the opportunities to take the lead role.

You can call it Epic Lead, Feature Owner, or Project Owner. The key is that this person is accountable for the delivery of a specific sets of tickets.

They’re also responsible for managing and flagging risks and blockers to you (the PM) proactively

ARISE framework can help you create and nurture constructive relationships with your engineers:

Treat them like Adults
Recognise different types of individuals
Involve them early in your thinking process
Give them Space to progress
Invest in good Engineering Managers