We may think we’re relaxed, but we’re actually maintaining a low-level vigilance that’s hard on our bodies

“Anything worth doing will have aspects of stress woven through: challenge, discomfort, risk. We can’t change that. But what we can change is our response,” she says.

when things go wrong, it’s good to recognize what’s in your control and what isn’t—and then focus your attention on changing what’s under your control.

How to do it? Reframed statements around stress—like saying, “This is exciting! I can appreciate this feeling” as opposed to “This is so stressful. I hate this feeling.”—have been found over many studies to reduce our negative feelings about stress.